• neil

Day 14 (31 March-St. Benjamin's Day no less)

According to Wikipedia St. Benjamin suffered from a bad case of

“reeds run in between the nails and the flesh, both of his hands and feet, and thrust into other most tender parts, and drawn out again, and this to be frequently repeated with violence. Lastly, a knotty stake was thrust into his bowels, to rend and tear them, in which torment he expired….”

All of which makes confinement seem quite comfortable, thanks for asking. Alfie concurs. Having read the blog and picked up on the constant food references she wishes to go on record as agreeing with St. Benjamin that we have it pretty good. Her only gripe is that she gets the ‘same bloody dog kibble’ day in day out. I was tempted to grant her this but, representing you, I felt constrained to rigour and took up her food bag.

Chicken, turkey, eggs, liver, mackerel, sardine, herring and……three types of lentils.

Being smarter than a gerbil I do not subscribe to any of the existing Corvid conspiracy theories, but should one spring up about the lentil industry I’ll give it space here.

And there is more nutty food news today. Apparently over-zealous law enforcement agents have issues with Easter eggs, which do not constitute essential eating.

Says who? Just like the juice of the hop and a glass or two of something grape or grain based, a teensy bit of chocolate is a treat at the end of a lonely day.

Of course I’m talking dark chocolate here.

Not the big box of mini Mars, Twix, Snickers and Maltesers which the supermarket put in the box of online shopping to celebrate twenty years of getting my orders wrong.

I unwrapped them individually and put them in the bin. Shock. Horror. Food waste!

No. These things do not constitute food and giving them away would just be giving somebody a treasure map to Type 2 diabetes.

But I cannot resist - and the only way to stop myself from fishing them out of the bin is to ensure maximum temptation contamination.

Know Thyself.

St. Benjamin just gave me a thumbs up.

A friend just phoned to complain he couldn’t get to the container park. Please forgive me, but I sympathised with him.

If I start calling telling my friends to get real, extract head from bottom, stop whingeing and do something useful (like writing a blog?) this isolation business might last even longer.

I now realise that going to the container park is up there with the other great middle class pastimes of golf (or hockey if you are Belgian) and wife swapping. The offer of lentils for your wife still stands. You know who you are.

Today’s Top Tip: Cleaning out guinea pigs? Use a bottle brush.

Today’s Duolingo phrase:

“Dat is mijn eerste neushoorn” Google Translate. You’ve nothing better to do.

Bugger it

I just thought “Bugger it!”

That charity financing thing I proposed yesterday would never work in that format. I certainly wouldn’t pay to read this.

But this is what I am going to do.

It is the poorest countries which will have the biggest problems. And Médecins Sans Frontieres is always in those countries.

So, from today I will donate a euro per month to MSF for every subscriber up to 500 subscribers . You can subscribe using the form at the bottom of the homepage or on the Wix app.

Go for it! Make me pay! I made you read this! I am not going to put a donate button on the site as you are all very capable of helping the bodies which need help without me getting in the way.

But, out of curiosity mingled with boredom mingled with misplaced ambition, I did go online to see to see how real bloggers raise money.

There is Pay Per Click, which becomes interesting from around 10,000 hits a day. Next…

Then there is affiliate marketing

“All you have to do is develop content that will ultimately be in harmony with whatever affiliate offers you plan to push out.”

Pyjamas, slippers, binned snickers bars, barely used lentils, good tasting aftershave, the hand cream I’m using after all this sanitiser (I just can’t do a thing with my skin)......


Of course! I’ll buy them a new puppy and phone them tomorrow.

Keep fit, keep strong and keep your distance!



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