• neil

Day 34 (20 April): The loonies are out there

Reading some news about a possible future link between virus antibody tests and relaxed mobility restrictions got me thinking about confusion and the impact it can have on our lives. Is COVID positive/HIV negative good or is it the other way round? I should allow for dyslexia and possible early onset senility before opening the champagne. I suppose the idea of confusion worries me as my mother was increasingly gaga towards the end of her life. In large part it seemed to be due to hallucinations brought on by Parkinson’s pills mixed with various other drugs in erratic doses.

On one occasion, at 3 a.m. in the morning, her house was full of three foot tall blue goblins taking cake from the pantry, using her sewing machine and flushing all the toilets.

So she called the police.

Those other men in blue promptly arrived and took command. After a thorough search of the house, and more disappearing cake, they assured my mother that every last one of the little blighters had been rounded up and locked in the back of their van. Her saviours were going to take them far out into the countryside, spin them round a few times for maximum disorientation and abandon them there. My mother was not to worry, the goblins would never find her again.

Perhaps a more useful and thought-through repose would have been to take my mother to a clinic, but I don’t want to quibble over details.

The next morning my mother, an ex-teacher, gravely informed her young grandson that the longest river in America is the River Ouse. We don’t know what other lessons she gave him but it explains a lot.

To this day I deeply regret not having noted the particular drug combination as it would have spiced up many an hour of confinement.

But lo! I am saved. A friend forwarded me a Vimeo video from a conspiracy fruit cake. You know the kind.

If you can tolerate 12 minutes of complete gibberish you learn that this manufactured virus is part of a plot by a cabal of bankers wanting a world government, doubtless coordinated using 5G. P.S. Don’t vaccinate your children and remember to eat eat plenty of flax seeds with a collander on your head.

I’ll be looking him up today. If he can stop chewing on the carpets long enough he’s the guy who can tell me what pills to take.

Farming Update

Its been some days now since I planted all those veggie seeds.

Some of them are beginning to grow.

To be more precise, some of the radishes are beginning to grow and everything else, to use a gardening term,

looks buggered.

Out of desperation, brought on by my lentil/baked beans diet, I have just researched whether or not I can eat the peat I planted the seeds in. And I kid you not, here is a recipe for "Craig's Edible Peat"

Much to my chagrin the resulting dish only looks like peat.

If anybody has any recipes for something which doesn't look like beans feel free to let me know.

Of course, it's Sod's Law in action that the 52 inedible plants I put into the ground last week all seem to be thriving.

Finally today, on a less than exciting confinement day you might like a little dose of drama. Just to prove that Belgians don't spend all their time plotting world domination.

Stay safe and cuddle your veggies



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