• neil

Day 62 (18 May): I'm a bit late because I pressure hosed the terrace (catchy enough?)

The plot thickens

COVID-19 apps are mobile software apps that use digital tracking to aid in establishing whether the user has been in contact with a COVID infected individual.

Google/Apple are collaborating on a version and some states will be building their own.

No prizes for guessing which one will work and which ones will probably cock up.

No prizes either for guessing that a lot of people are going to be squirming in their knickers over the data privacy issues this raises.

But in for a cent in for a euro. If they are going to get shouted at and threatened with the naughty corner the developers might as well be ambitious. They could include a subtle vibration in a smartwatch warning its wearer that the otherwise normal looking person approaching has posted or liked posts claiming a connection between the virus and 5G or the Starlink satellite project.

Perhaps a double vibration for an anti-vaxer or somebody convinced Bill Gates has a plot to tag us and take over the world. Ideally the app would then automatically sign them up for the Flat Earth Society and point them in the direction of the nearest sect (see yesterday).


Talking of loonies, I just got back from my therapy. Before lockdown I used to go once a week and I started up again today. For the sum of 60 euros I get to speak non-stop about myself for a full hour to a lady who is professionally obliged to look interested. Today was excellent; she didn’t attempt to hang herself using the curtains or dive through the plate glass window. I think she’s making progress and I hope her nails grow back.

Next time I must ask if it is normal for therapists to recommend two paracetamols and a laxative.

I should also find out when it is time to stop going for therapy. When I started she didn't exclaim "Neil, You score 11/10 on the NutterRater. Go forth and buy a Napoleon hat!"

And I don't imagine her now saying "Neil, you clearly have full understanding intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. Go forth and give of your excess sanity to those who get excited about politics."

I'm a bit worried that if I take the initiative and say "I'm feeling fine now. I think we can call it a day" she will reply "That's what they all say before they set up house with a dwarf mongoose".

I don't know where that came from.

I'll put it in with the guinea pigs.

Released into the wild

It felt a bit like a wild life documentary today. One where they keep wee beasties, rear them by hand and gradually rehabituate them to the wild.

For the first time in 62 days I went into a bank to get some cash to pay my poor therapist. I asked for 100 euros and two notes of fifty emerged. I took them out of the machine and couldn't help thinking these two brown paper rectangles represented very poor value for such a sum. Its not as if they have any intrinsic properties. I'm relying on somebody else being daft enough to buy into this fiction and say "Oh yes two bits of paper? I'll give you a whole heap of goods for them!"

Maybe all of us should join the Flat Earth Society.

Big hugs! Pass them on!



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