Day 74 (30 May): Out of Office
I’ve been knocking this thing out, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse, for seventy days in a row.
And today I’m lacking in bounce; not so much Tigger as Eeyore.
The lady I really like is at the seaside with the man she really likes and I’m …. really fed up.
I’m trying to physically tire myself out to dull the distress, so I ran yesterday evening, I ran this morning, I did abdominals and language lessons; and not one bit of it has distracted me from the mental movie of sea, sex and somebody else.
Why does nobody teach us how to find and hold joy? It seems to me I sometimes cross its path, trip over it, and when I get up it is gone.
Instead of schools teaching us about Oxbow lakes and Molière (No Miss Rogers, he isn’t funny. The clue is that nobody is laughing) could we not have learned a little about the pursuit of happiness and the importance of our relations with others? I could have used that. I’ve never used my trigonometry and it is too late to send it back now.
Instead of betting the whole pot on ‘success’ and ‘career’ could we not use some of our resources teaching ourselves how to court, how to love, how to cherish, how to share? How to be a rounded and balanced and contented person?
I’m surprised that I have got to age 64 knowing so little.
My consolation is that I am not alone.
Except, of course, I am.
I could have simply written ‘I’m having a day or two off’. But the point of this blog was to cheer up my friends during confinement. And part of that is to show some vulnerability, so that you know you are not alone or odd when you are going through a bad patch . We all go through these things. So I thought I’d balance out the irritating chirpiness with a bit of real life existential angoisse. Nothing too deep - I cannot concentrate.
Normal service will doubtless be resumed at some point…