• neil

Day 6 (23 March): One man’s experience of borlotti beans, shopping and avoiding the ironing.

To Do List

• Meditation - 30 minutes (only checked the clock three times and scratched nose once)

• Exercise - cut the grass. Used new cable-less electric mower to avoid dragging a cable through dog poo. Stepped in dog poo. Twice.

• Spanish and Dutch language lessons on the Duolingo app. Duolingo Dutch has an obsession with turtles. Duolingo Italian has an obsession with penguins. Who knew?

• House maintenance - today was ironing day. More of that later.

• Yoga - 20 to 40 minutes (Daily Yoga App)

• Reply to Messenger, email and WhatsApp messages asking if I’m safe and well. (30 seconds. Only one message.)

• Chill time (evening) An hour of reading/ a Netflix programme/ two glasses of red wine - one from tomorrow’s allocation.

In my in-between moments I keep looking at my dog Alfie and wondering how I’ll get her in the freezer and would she go well with borlotti beans. I’m not going to eat her before Day 29. So …. now it is time to take stock after the initial surprise.

On the positive side

I’m spreading my very own rumour to join all the other ridiculous rumours which are out there. My friend has an uncle whose next door neighbour’s cousin is an eminent plumber and part-time virologist. She says (no sexism in Shooter’s World) that the virus can attach to clothing. She also says that to trigger the illness there needs to be a certain viral load. A crisply ironed shirt presents a very attractive and easily attained flat surface if you are a virus. I’m not suggesting you are. Whereas, a crumpled shirt straight out of the dryer presents far less surface area to the virus and the necessary viral load for infection is not so easily achieved. Which is why I am not doing the ironing. I’m not a mess, I simply have an acute social conscience. And it is not just the ironing issue. Now that we are all staying at home there will be fewer road accidents and industrial accidents. Although I read that this gain might negated by stuck- at-home spouses using redundant steam irons to settle arguments about the rules of Monopoly. Another plus, for those of you working from the dining table, is also ironing-avoidance related. You can wear your jammies. It is for you to weigh up whether the feeling of being smartly dressed is a morale booster or whether you get a kick out of writing reports in a state of undress. For the latter group I suggest appending the phrase “written in a thong and little else” at the end of each communication.

On the negative side

Those borlotti beans. Have you seen what you just bought in the shops? Last time I was in my local supermarket the fresh produce isle was emptied. So I bought food which would last. I now see that I have split peas, borlotti beans, whatever they might be, and chick peas. I don’t know how to cook any of them. Alfie just caught my eye flitting between her and the barbecue. What I failed to get is survival food. Chocolate, biscuits and beer. Buggerbuggerbugger. Im going to be sitting in front of Netflix drinking green tea and pigging out on lentils.

Life in the fast lane.

Keep connected with those you love!



#lifestyle #reinventyourself #thenewyou

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